Goodness me.

Eleven months after posting my first entry and about eight plane rides from Iloilo to Manila and back, I think my twenty-two years on earth is still giving me mixed signals. I want to be a lawyer. Oh wait. I'm failing all my first semester subjects in law school. I think I'll go back to working at a corporate nongovernmental organization. Oh wait. It won't pay enough for a future with a self-bought car. Yes, I may be thinking now of my practical future. I still want to learn how to play drums though. I really want to learn La Valse D'Amelie on the piano. I have to get an online job. I think I'll be a good children's book author like Beatrix Potter, perhaps. If I do get an online job, I think I'd be a good product descriptor, assuming that there is such a job, because I like forming hearts on top of cappuccino froths to complement a nice, steamy brew that warms one up whether on a cold evening or lazy afternoon.

I have less than two weeks to decide if I shall push through with law school. It's funny because I've been pondering about things which I never have thought about before. Before law school, I was never grade conscious at all. I believed that one could get through any professor as long as he studied diligently. I didn't mind being placed among any group of persons to become one's classmates. I did not bother dwelling on possibilities of delays in schooling because of failing marks or for reasons of practicality. I did not even have a vision then of where I saw myself after say passing the bar, or ten years after the same. Now, all of these thoughts pay a courtesy call every so often each day. Sometimes they cram all at the same time at night just when I wish to sleep. My mind is restless.

The sixth day or night of Misa Aguinaldo is also approaching and for the first time, I am actually on the streak. I am not simply participating to fulfill a superstitious belief (well I haven't really been a fan of any of such), but it's as if I am clutching on to faith and God's Will for me to find clarity. Yes, before law school, this was not generally how I exercised my beliefs. Countless circumstances have also given me confidence that there is a grand plan for each of us and I think I may have been experiencing them in the past eleven months. 

Dare I say it, I can't finish this entry again because I have to actually and seriously hit the apply button for a job closest to being a product descriptor. TTFN.

The Aftermath

Upon stepping outside of Malcolm Hall, my first word was a curse. It was my reaction when I saw my friend waiting outside. I knew that my chances were slim especially since I didn't feel any sense of fulfillment. I was simply glad that I was walking around again in that great hall. 

 

Way back in the 80s, my dad was accepted in the UP College of Law. Good for him. I only wished I could also study in the same college, not because of expectations or traditions, but more so because I really wanted to be a great defender of rights someday. As I grew older, a lot of opportunities became very tempting. These got me so tied that I wavered in focusing on a future in the law school of my choice and having a great career in the legal profession after. I also realized that one does not necessarily find fulfillment alone in being a lawyer. There are plenty of ways to become awesome and help others find their own inner sense of being awesome. This became my plot for six months post graduation...(to be continued)