goalz

this post will not be complying with strict capitalization because my shift keys don't work.

yesterday, my classmate got into a rumble which i did not witness. the aftermath is like a energy ball waiting to explode. or it may have imploded already. in any case, i'm a bystander from another room while all this happens. i have the choice of meddling into everything that is happening after it or remain quietly in the room - ignorant or passive-aggressive. when i look into the ones who are in the position to meddle because of their post, i feel like reality hits me hard. my privileged ivory tower is shaken. it is odd, i think, because last year i was so bent on dividing my time with working for people and studying because i wanted to keep myself grounded, other than the fact that i had time to spare especially in the first semester. this year, i decided that i could do the same thing. i can help others by serving the student organization that has kept the little spark of competitiveness in me burning and study. sadly, i am not as dedicated as i thought i would be. i have been slacking off. i am losing my spark. 

when i'm at home, i cannot concentrate. one solution i could muster is to go study outside which i sometimes do. now that the fares have increased, i am discouraged. i am no longer as financially independent as i was last year. i admire those who do not lose track of their goals. i believe i was one of those before entering law school. and i have to get back on track. 

in the alchemist, an anecdote was told by one of the characters which went as though it was between a boy and a king whom the former purposely sought because of his father. the king told him to scoop some water on a spoon and balance that spoon on his mouth while going around the king's house. the boy did and he was very careful not to spill a drop of water. finally, he successfully came back to where the king was with the spoon still filled with the water. the king asked him of what he thought about his house. the boy explained that he no longer paid any attention to his surroundings because he was so focused on the task with the spoon. the king told him to do the task again, but this time, he should also observe his house. when they boy accomplished the task, the king wisely said that like balancing a spoonful of water, we must set goals. and when we do traverse our lives, we must pay attention to the things around us but never lose sight of our goals. 

shet. i love that anecdote. i believe i got those details right. either way, i love that anecdote more than how the universe conspires to help us achieve what we want. or equally. 

Let's be real

While I'm still reminding myself about that motivational quote which went something like, "My drive for success is greater than my fear of failure," I can't help but dwell on the thought of not passing Consti II or any other subjects this semester. O my freaggin gawsh.

Today was part I of two of the final exams we're having for the said subject and I honestly feel like I could only get 75 as the highest, notwithstanding the fact that I have to add 30 plus points more than my current average. LORD, THY WILL BE DONE.

I always keep saying that it really ain't over till it's over. (with ghetto slang and conviction). Therefore, Lord, I will do what I can especially with the remaining exams and Thy will be done because I really can't see myself repeating any other curriculum subject here.

Don't you forget about me

While my officemate and I were in mid conversation in a random-packed day which would cap off my 2017 Saturdays, we chanced upon talking about the strangers who significantly impacted on me by merely conversing with me. Then I told my officemate about the possibility of these strangers being projections of our future selves. What if, right? That thought being somehow an offshoot of me asking my officemate if what she would tell her younger self if she could do so now. She answered, "carry on". Naturally, she would solicit my own answer to the same question which I strangely couldn't coherently do. I wondered but brushed it off by saying that it would also be somewhere along carry on in a bemused manner. Really though, notwithstanding my 2017, I could've delved deeper. I guess I'm not sold on my current situation.

I've been having interesting dreams which I would like to write down in narrative like how I did back in high school. I think these are some sort of indicators that I should pay more attention to my writing side, but I can't do it because either I get lazy or I mentally choke myself on thoughts of what to do for work and for school. The writer in me is caged. Not that I'm good but writing has been very helpful towards soothing my soul ever since high school when I think I had insomnia. So entering 2018 may not be as exciting as before, save the fact that Duterte passed the firecracker ban executive order, but I am really hoping for better creative things ahead in my study habits, health regimen, writing, and life in general! Besides, it's the first time that I am actually consciously aware that it's my Chinese zodiac birth year this year! Let the dog out! Surely, my prelims are low but I have to up my game. I want this. ;)